5 reasons why single Christian men aren’t getting married.
“Charles, the word is out on the street that all the pretty girls come to this church.” This particular parishioner was concerned that young men were attending our church, the Ocean, simply because of the presence of attractive young ladies.
One of my first radio interviews with East Africa Radio was on the topic of “Is church a good place to pick up a chick?”
Friends have been discussing this article about why single women don’t get married. I’d like to give some thoughts on why single Christian men don’t get married.
The simple reason is that they don’t ask.
Or ask often enough. Eventually, one would marry you. But it goes deeper than this. After 20 years of working with young men and women, here are a few of my ideas. I’m not God, so be nice in the comments please.
1. Single men don’t want to grow up.
I’ve even seen this internet Meme going around: “Aging isn’t something you can’t stop, but growing up is a choice” or something like that. Its true. Many young men want to stay up all night playing cards with friends, spend their money on themselves, and basically extend their childhood into their 30ies and 40ies.
This goes against all of human history. This behavior used to be limited to royalty and the children of rich people. Now, with the rise of the middle class, men can choose to remain children. I know that sounds harsh but it leads me to my second point
2. Single Christian men don’t see the real meaning of marriage and adulthood.
Your life was given as a stewardship. It belongs to God. Forgive my antiquated views, but you were created to protect and provide. Both of those are fearful tasks. Marriage is to be a reflection of the love of Christ for his bride (at least from the man’s side). A man is at his best when he is taking care of a wife and kids. I have a beautiful wife and three beautiful children. When I go home at night, I know that however meaningful or meaningless my endeavors of the day, they have deep meaning and purpose. I am providing for and protecting the 4 most important people in my life. Every man should know that.
3. Pornography and masturbation.
Forgive me my bluntness, but the Apostle Paul wrote: “it’s better to marry than to burn.” Passion is given to youth, and used properly, it guides a man to choose a mate. The popularization, growth and common acceptance of these 2 forms of self-pleasuring have replaced the natural express of intercourse with a woman. And while I’m digging a hole, young Christian men who aren’t getting married simply do not understand how much fun true sex is. Studies are showing monogamous, long term relationships are more sexually fulfilling but because many have tried sex, they have dabbled in porn, they don’t know the real thing. So they aren’t willing to pay the price to get it.
4. Marriage is mistakenly viewed as the end of life.
Once you get married, you settle down, the keyword being “settle.” Listen, I met a producer from NPR who took his wife and kids on a year long worldwide trip. Expensive? Sure, but probably not more than a Ranger fishing boat. Marriage, done right, is not about limitations but about expansion. I’ve heard expressed, and perhaps even believed in the past, “I should have done X before I got married.” I would have traveled. I would have…” whatever. Listen. People who travel before they get married travel after they get married. People who don’t do much before they get married, don’t do much after they get married. Marriage doesn’t change what you do. It changes who you do it with. (tweet that) .
5. They are afraid of making the wrong choice, or of simply choosing.
In a world where an upgrade is always around the corner, we get used to waiting for the “Next Big Thing.” The reality is that in relationships, it’s rare for that to happen. You don’t find the next big thing. You become. You’ve got to grow into being the person of someone else’s dreams. For too long, I dreamed of the perfect wife, and waited for my wife to change. Instead I should have dreamed of being the perfect husband to my wife.
Ok, I reached 5, but since I started writing, but let me throw in 3 more for fun…
6 Girls just wanna have fun.
So crooned Cindy Lauper but it’s true of boys too. Young men just wanna have fun. Nothing wrong with that. Yet with marriage, you can’t have the fun without the hard work. Just can’t be done.
While I’m at it, let me put in one dig.
7. Young Christian men aren’t getting married because young Christian women are living in a dream world.
Romance novels, chick flicks and superhero movies have polluted the minds and expectations of ladies. The new car, the nice house, the dream vacations, those come after years of hard work and sacrifice by both parties in a marriage. The perfectly mature guy doesn’t exist. Neither are you the perfect woman.
8. They haven’t found the right girl, and they are content to wait.
Marry your best friend. Statistics show that if you survived childhood, you’ll live well into your 80ies. So take your time. practice self control. Give yourself to service of God and mankind. and when you find the right girl, marry her!