Recently, I spent some time with a friend who had gone through a hard time in his marriage and is now in a great place. I was impressed with his maturity, and the way he talked about his marriage. I started to think about how not to get into a bad place in my marriage. About some of the things I’ve observed that have made me cringe.
Here are 5 signs that I’ve seen (or read about) that indicate your marriage might be in more trouble than you realize, and you might be the culprit. From a man’s perspective mainly, but they apply both ways.
- You roll your eyes at each other. Researchers found that scorn, most often shown in eye rolling, is a sure fire indicator that your relationship is in trouble. Scorn is a deeply demeaning form of communication. Extremely subtle and easy to deny, eye rolling might be an indicator you are in trouble and don’t know it. Stop it. Stop yourself. Not cool, not fun, not good.
- You parent your spouse. How many times have I heard a wife refer to her kids, and laughingly number her husband among them. That’s demeaning. Don’t do it. Ever. Stop it. Kids leave home at some point. Keep that in mind the next time you go off on the kids and then jump on your husband next. (I’ve seen men treat their wives like children and its creepy guys, I mean creepy. She’s an adult. Sheez).
Critics are often people who can’t write their own books or act in their own movies.
- You don’t know who won this week’s game, and can’t name players on his team. Boredom can be the death of a relationship. Who cares if you don’t like sports or the shopping network (guys)? Become a student of those things your spouse likes. Did you see Messi’s goal the other day? What do you think about the new Bulls coach? Start asking the right questions and watch your man open up and get interested in your life.
- You are your spouse’s worst critic. Critics are often people who can’t write their own books or act in their own movies. They tear down art that other people produce. If you are a critic, most likely you are not out there trying. Because if you are, I can guarantee you wouldn’t be as critical as you are. If he gets a big head, trust me, life will pop it for him without your help.
- Your memories are better than your expectations. Hope is the fuel of the human soul, but if you’ve lost hope in your future, and can only remember the bad of your past, you might need some help. You need to speak life and hope into your marriage. For better days, for more fun. Look for excitement in the future.
There. I’ve probably made you mad, or defensive. But that’s why its a blog. It’s just my opinion.