Honest reflections on Unhealthy relationships: Affirm me when I need to affirm myself.

If a person in my life has a constant need for affirmation, it may be that they have never learned to think through what they are asking for.

Can you help me with my homework? Its the dreaded dad question. Probably not because i haven’t done algebra since 10th grade. Probably not because I don’t know chemistry. Or maybe you could do your homework but you simply want me to affirm me.

Recently I was talking with one of my kids. This kid (trying to hide identity) was expressing a fear about an upcoming specific type of change. Lets call it changing grades at school, (not really but it serves as a placeholder).

How did the last one go? (pretty good)

And how did the one before go? (Also good)

and the time before that? (Nods, starting to get the picture).

So your fear of this next one doesn’t line up with the reality of your previous ones does it? Proud dad moment when I saw the fear drain away.

Learn to question your needs for outside affirmation when previous experience can provide strong internal affirmation.