Skip to content
Life Cartography is written by Dr. Charles Porter.
Life Cartography is written by Dr. Charles Porter.

Culture. Coaching. Leadership. Creativity.

  • Home
  • Contact
  • The most important thing
  • Blog
  • Training Programs
  • Lifecartography- on life and leadership, culture, and coaching
Life Cartography is written by Dr. Charles Porter.

Culture. Coaching. Leadership. Creativity.

3 Conversations to have to save your marriage while on your honeymoon

Charles Porter, September 4, 2014October 3, 2014

Honeymoon conversations

Honeymoon Couple
Its your honeymoon. Your perfect day just finished. The cake was great, the best man didn’t drop the ring, and you are now on the beach, after the perfect first night. Suddenly you realize. The wedding is over, now we have to be married? How do we do this?

note: If you aren’t married, file this one away for the week after the honeymoon.

I’ve been married 17 years now. It was NOT only yesterday that Tahnya and I said our hopeful “I dos.” Though marriage is not nearly in as much danger as the forecasters have said (the divorce rate is much lower than forecast), broken wedding vows are everywhere.

I can’t turn off selfishness with a post, though I’ve tried.
I can’t heal broken history, thought I’ve tried.

But here are 3 conversations that I wish Tahnya and I had learned to have, and had repeatedly through the years. These are based on my own experience and some small input from friends.

1. The Sex talk

To roughly misquote Mark Gungor, (Laugh your way to a better marriage), if it weren’t for sex, most men would probably not bother with marriage. Maybe a bit exaggerated, but he has a point. My personal feeling is that we’ve gotten our conversations backwards. The sex talk is had among guys, or among lady friends, and not in marriage. I’m amazed at the negative attitude many married women have towards sex. They “endure,” they put up with it, they suffer through.

Treat anyone like a dog long enough and he’ll act like a dog. Wives who treat their husbands with distain and “meprise” should not expect a superhero man. Sex should not be a “throw him a bone,” placate him, or manipulate him. If young couples learn to have the sex talk, communication in marriage becomes safe and other things can be talked about. When sex is not safe to talk about in marriage, then you have closed off not a door, but a gateway, right into the man’s soul.

2. The Money Talk

“Couples who reported disagreeing about finances once a week were over 30 percent more likely to divorce over time than couples who reported disagreeing about finances a few times per month.”(source) (source)

Having the money talk won’t save your marriage or build you a great marriage. Learning to have the difficult conversations successfully will. If you can talk about sex and money, you can talk about anything else.

3. The expectations talk

I remember our first battle in marriage over expectations. It had to do with who got the oil changed in the car. Needless to say, we did not have clear expectations. To this day, communication that has unvoiced expectations leads to conflict.

How can you identity this secret trap in marriage?
Try this. The next time you are in conflict, change these words.
“Well, I thought…” to “Well, my expectation is/was….”

See how it brings about vulnerability and honesty? In this way, we also own that these are expectations we had. Fair or unfair, we must be honest.

While writing this, this article came across my desk. 


Learn to successfully navigate these conversations and I can’t guaranteed, but I almost can, that you will be on your way to a healthier marriage.

What are some conversations you wish you’d had?

leadership Life Coaching Life Lessons Practical Relationships

Post navigation

Previous post
Next post

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Dig into the history

  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • July 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • November 2020
  • September 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • December 2019
  • June 2019
  • April 2019
  • March 2019
  • November 2018
  • October 2018
  • June 2018
  • April 2018
  • July 2017
  • May 2017
  • April 2017
  • March 2017
  • December 2016
  • August 2016
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • May 2016
  • February 2016
  • December 2015
  • August 2015
  • July 2015
  • June 2015
  • May 2015
  • April 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013

Popular

  • Why you probably didn’t grow up poor, even if you think you did.
  • The one scripture that has killed more marriages than any other
  • There is no weather, there is only walking the dog. Part 2
  • Set Aside or Set Apart
  • Money can solve most of life’s problems. Solving the remaining ones makes you truly rich.

Search

©2023 Life Cartography is written by Dr. Charles Porter. | WordPress Theme by SuperbThemes